then try, try and try again...

Been mostly lost in thoughts today.One could even say, i was feeling blue...... By the way, friends, why do we associate feelings of depression with the colour blue? I cant understand. Imagine blue skies with cotton candy clouds..ummm then blue-bells on a stalk or turqouise seas or babies in blue dresses.And imagine blue beads on a white dress mmm....(wanna go shopping:x ) I think blue is a joyous colour..... maybe not the sunny abundance which denotes yellow, or the wild passionate rapture of red, but the kind of happiness we feel when we hear a choir playing, or the strains of a flute or our very own jaltarang.. Before i get carried away in these musings lemme chase away the clouds for some time and tell you about the problem.
It started many years back , i was 14 , a schoolgirl.. There was this play going on in my colony on christmas eve and i had to write a report on it .( we had someone called Mr G.H Banerjee in our colony who was adressed as granpa by all the kids in the colony. He was the soul of all cultural activities there and we totally adored him.) He was constantly encouraging me to write and till date i owe much of my scant literary efforts to him.:) aneways, lets get back to the play... I watched it, enjoyed it and made a note of whatever i interpreted as funny inside it. For example the lead actor who stuttered over his lines, the actress who entered from the wrong side of the stage.. At night in my home, i sat and polished the entire report, busily adorning it with what i used to call"dry wit". We had this local newsletter kind of thing being published and the day

my article (read report) was published i was very excited. Ours was a close knit community and everybody knew everybody else and were mostly on first-name-terms with each other. The very first person to call me up and congratulate me was my friend annie. "Oh i totally adored the way u wrote, it was hilarious" Till date i remember the warm rush of pleasure i felt in myself on hearing the words. Well, then after numerous combinations and permutations of the same compliments i was feeling rather proud of myself as i walked down to the local bakery shop.

Suddenly i saw granpa standing there under his favourite krishnachura tree." Oh, how did u like my report" i asked with a bright smile. He turned, looked at me and said in a level voice"u have hurt a lot of people" I was younger then, and drunk on praise , the sudden jolt must have brought a flush to my cheeks... He must have seen it and so continued in a gentler voice "you are young, talented and so have a lot of strength in you. if u use the same strength to build instead of pulling something down, imagine how beautiful your world would become. whatever u wrote in that report would be forgotten by you in a week, but the people you criticised would always remember it--and not in a very nice way."

Granpas advice stayed with me for a lot of time, i was always careful henceforth on the way i used words. But as i said time is a great equalizer, in my exciting jrney from college to work to b school now, i must have unlearnt the lesson. After a round of (What i thought was incisive) discussion in the training and developement classes, i detected a hint of chill in the atmosphere, and no, it was not because of the weather. Come, evening and one of my good friends(d name is secret though) told me "u know u have this ability to put ur points in a effective manner, and ur voice has this attractive element in it.... but the saddest thing is that u use it to pull people down and hence u are converting ur biggest strength into ur biggest weakness".

And i was again transformed into the 14 year old kid under the krishnachura tree. Old habbits die hard i guess and i must try again...... It takes a lot of love and care between 2 people for one to point out mistakes to the other unhesistatingly. Thank u dear friend for caring so much....:)

a brief history of my tyme...

dear me... i seem to be becoming lazier, and lazier..ummm have been meaning to write for so many days. but then u know what, i jst got hold of the second season of F.R.I.E.N.D.S from somewhere and since i have been bewitched by Joey the first time i laid my eyes on him, so i was kinda busy...;)

Hey speaking of friends (i mean my real life friends) i miss some of them quite a lot. Waise, dont u think as we grow older we become reserved, less spontaneous, more choosy, less open and wear about 1001 masks ? I mean i can feel the change in myself, i can no longer relate to people as easily as i could say, five years ago.There is this newly developed tendency in me of being judgemental, sizing people up ( though i rarely admit it) I mean, i used to believe that people are essentially as good as we expect them to be. Set up high standards and let them know, they would live upto it. I still believe this i guess, its jst that i follow it lesser and lesser.

Speaking about friends my first real n one-of-d-best kinds of friendship was with Raheela (this would be fifth grade in school) Our friendship blossomed thru endless shared tiffins, scraped knees and copied homeworks. I still dont know, but how we completely lost touch with each other...last that i heard she was married.The funniest part is that she is the only one in my very very special list of friends about whose wherabouts i am completely clueless..Then there was kalpana,supriyo, junaid, vishal, zeenat,charan, avik.. I remember the way we used to bunk classes together, the delicious jhal muri, specially the way i and kalpana used to copy from each other at exams.Supriyo thank you for those biology diagrams, i could have never managed them on my own.. Junaid, i am sure that u dont blog at all but i miss ur one-liners like hell. Zeenat, vishal i miss those impromptu antakshari sessions a lot.

Well speed up to my grads my roomies were and still are my best friends. Tap and mou (Tapapriya and mahua).I could go on writing pages about them and still not finish. We had this wonderfull routine of having phuchkas for breakfast and watching cheesy bollywood movies. Oh and those wonderfull shopping sprees, and our tastes in clothes have undergone a sea change from then... but the bonding remains unbroken. well, then there was abhishek i would be eternally grateful to him for introducing me to the best ice-cream shop in d whole world( now dats a secret;) ........over to my post grads, well there are three prominent names, shikha, shireen and duxie. Shireen and i used to have this set of theories about guys (read men) and were the best agony aunts/dating gurus for each other. Shikha is so amazingly sweet.... we were as close as siblings. Apart from Tap,nemo and my darling sis tumpi, she is the only person who knows me inside out. Even 2day i can unhesitatedly pour out my heart to her..

Here in b school with all these theories and marketing fundas and h.r theories, the little innocent girl in my mind has somehow climbed up a tree and now refuses to look at people in the eye...Neverthless i have grown close to people here, but the depth of my attachment remains untested.. well guys i know almost all of them blog so here goes, aparna and gincy i think you are both crazily wierd and marvellous so please dont change. Nams i admire a lot for her lets-go-and-get-it-done wala funda. kavita because she is so balanced and a stabilising factor in my mad, mad world. Arjun because of his wonderful blogs and comic chatter. Debarshi and minaxi because of our bong-connexion..and beecoz both are such warm humans...
the last 2 and the most important people are not exactly my friends but they have been my strength- always... my lovely sis tumpi i would always love god because he gave me u as a sister.Nemo, for being there for those 6 am alarms (i couldnt have given my third sem exams if not 4 u), yellow duck, those paintings,that stolen rose, the hat and for reasons i cannot comprehend thank you... He is perhaps the per son i had taken for granted ALL of the time. I always believed i had a short memory, but its when u try to 4get someone u love that u understand how powerful memories are. Oh... and before i forget today is the day i first went to live in kolkata and subsequently spent the most wonderful 6 months of my life.
i love u all.....
been reading somewhere---u should not say i love u unless and until u mean it and when u mean it u should say it often. People 4get n its good to remind...

what dost thou think.......

friends.....
a very very belated happy new year. After some lazyyyy days at the begining of the year i am back again . So how was 2008 for me, umm...... lemme think somewhat like a thikha.... papri chat. It was impossibly delicious but my eyes watered often. Well but then that has a lot to do with me being an eternal optimist. Case in point being, its so easy for me to throw things away. Only a wild optimist throws away what is most precious, whats so rare and satisfying , impossible happiness just because he/ she is so sure that he/ she will find it again around the bend. The gods have always been my best friends but then every passing year keeps on adding oh-so-tiny drops of caution to the fearless magical potion which i call LIFE.......
The best thing which happened to me this year was bimtech.... Now i know what fellow-blogger -bimtechians are going to say to that, what with this being a lousy year for placements and stuff.....But seriously guys, i have met some very hungry people here. They are so alive that they can take an idea and run with it into, like the fifth dimension, and all you have to do is let them make it happen for you, while talking to them i get this feeling like i am the absolute monarch.........
by the way friends, what was the high point of 2007 for u? do lemme know:)....... thou shall comment on it....